The Monster

Tuesday, March 30th, 1999

I wrote this around fall '98, and decided to put it on my home page. This is the result of trying to translate a concept in my mind into language that could be understood by the person about whom this was written. I considered revising it, but was asked not to, so I didn't.

The Monster

There is a monster.
The monster is small.
You are much bigger than the monster.
You could kill the monster, perhaps.
But you shove the monster out of the way.
The monster stays there, in the corner.
You go on about your business.

The monster tries to come out of the corner.
You shove it back.
You are much bigger than the monster.
You go on about your business.

The monster sits in the corner, out of the way.
It begins to get hungry.
It starts to eat.
Slowly.
It begins to eat at you.
A minor annoyance.
It stays in its little corner, out of your way.
You go on about your business.

The monster begins to grow.
Slowly.
It gets bigger as it eats more.
It eats, and it eats.
It tries to come out of the corner.
The monster is bigger now.
But you are still much bigger than the monster.
You kick it and shove it back into the corner.

It continues to eat at you.
It continues to grow bigger.
Still you ignore it.
You have other problems to deal with.

The monster is now as big as you are.
It continues to eat at you.
It's getting bigger.
Suddenly you notice the monster.
It's still in the corner.
But it's now so big that the corner doesn't matter.
It's also in the middle of the room now.

Something must be done, but how?
The monster is too big!
What can you do?
You really should kill it.
But maybe not just yet.
It's so big.

Finally the monster has eaten everything.
The monster is the only thing left.
All your energy goes to kicking the monster back.
It keeps coming toward you.
Hungrily.

There is nothing left to do.
You draw your sword.
You attack the monster.
The monster screams.
It fights.
The battle is gruesome, and painful.
In the end, you win.
You have to win.
The monster is dead.
All that remains is a big mess.
You are alone.
It hurts.
Oh, how it hurts.

Now you must rebuild.
You begin to grow back, you begin to heal.
It will take a long time.
Perhaps you have support from your friends.
That makes it easier.
Perhaps you don't.

Eventually, you rebuild, and clean things up.
Order returns.
The monster is gone.
Only the memory remains.

Why couldn't you have killed the monster first?
It didn't seem that big at the time.
It was just hiding in the corner.
Out of the way.
But it grew, when you weren't looking.
You should have killed it when it was small.
It would have been much easier.
But you didn't see it.

Now you understand.
Others had tried to tell you
About the monster.
But you didn't listen.
Didn't believe them.
Now you understand.

The pain is fading,
But still it lingers.
It will go away.
Perhaps.
Someday.